Pardon My French
by ryuusei NOuta
Summary: Shamelessly self-insert but centred on Houtarou and Mayaka. University life. Genshiken. Watch out for swearing and alcohol. (I did not plan to publish this but having read arisu rin's wonderful fic, I decided to contribute). So here's my two cents.


1. Pardon My French

Basked in the air of spring, faced by currents upon currents of interlocking shrapnel bathed in 57 different colours (he didn't count), Rimu benched himself, cup of milk coffee in one hand, sweaty palms in the other, deconstructing awkwardly constructed sentences, frowning at his poor choice of grammatical formations.

He liked the word 'deconstructing'. It was a fancy word chefs use when they fuck up a basic, tried-and-trusted recipe. Like deconstructed apple pie, which was the Uni cafeteria's current 'project'.

Having spent a year dicking around with the Genshiken perverts and the girls, he no longer stood out as 'the foreigner' or 'island boy'. Once, a girl from his Petrology class mistakenly assumed he came from Thailand, so the label 'ladyboy' stuck'. In the end, he gave up correcting people of his 'island boy' origins. No one cared after a week or so.

So he sat on the bench, half a cuppa in hand, blending in to colourful (yellow shirt, sea blue cardigans and burgundy pants) background noise. Eyes on an attractive tennis club member, he said to the first year beside him,

"Yo Frizzles, what time do we go?"

Oreki Houtarou flinched. Lazy eyes flared open, glaring at his island boy senpai. He was, as ever, preppy chic with his 'manbag' and a sophisticated-smelling perfume. He looked like a member of the Last Dinosaurs with his hair and wardrobe of choice. But with his laid back (lazy), withdrawn personality, it was apparent that he will never ever sing and swing a Fender Mustang in front of 5000 strangers. It's just not him.

"Pardon my French sir, but fuck you. Quit calling me that", delivered in perfect, unaccented English, before switching back to his mother tongue, "It's open in ten".

Rimu grinned, and stood up, "It's more fun when people react. Let's go".

Oreki Houtarou has frizzy hair, so the nickname (coined by Rimu) was obvious. 'Yo Frizzy', he once called out in the club. Saki lol'd, Ohno smiled and the rest looked up the translation and/or asked the English-speaking populous. Houtarou (English major) quietly and venomously murmured (what Rimu perceived to be) Bad Karma mantra. But the concept of reincarnation was lost on Rimu, so he swept it all under the proverbial rug.

Five minutes later, weaving and kicking themselves through the throng of the University's Culture Club Open Day, Houtarou knocked on the clubroom door (Rimu rudely kicked it open). It prompted a reaction on the Genshiken's new 'Mr Tsukkomi' (or Frizz).

"Douche!", perfect English.

The scene that greeted them was wholly representative of what Genshiken was about. The startled male contingents with PS Vitas and trailing late night anime (SAO!) discussions, The irate Saki giving them shit, the bubbly Ohno spilling coffee on her cosplay designs and the spooked Yumi with hands on ears. And the oblivious Kousaka playing DOA (new DLCs!) on his personalised Vita.

Two minutes later they were all in their respective seats, seamlessly slotting in the group dynamics. Rimu, with his Vita in hand and Yumi to his right, discussing about their latest song arrangements. Sasayan was to his left, readying his character's secondary weapons and perks. They were gonna start their weekly Black Ops WiFi party.

Houtarou (Vita!) sat himself between Tanaka and the other Kouhai newcomer, Mayaka.

Ibara Mayaka was in a manga club during high school. So, naturally joined the University's manga club. She was (wrongfully) involved in a bad bit of drama and was subsequently recommended to the Genshiken (read: Kicked out). When she joined the Genshiken, she was reserved and low in self-esteem. But as ever, Saki worked her magic and ten minutes later she was showing her cosplay facebook photos to Ohno (Guys prohibited). After the club, the girls went out for sushi, leaving the guys in the dirt. Rimu soon followed maya8826 on twitter. On that note, #genshiken was the group's hashtag.

Ibara Mayaka quickly became (in Rimu's head) the club's mascot. It was probably sexual harassment to a certain extent, so he kept it to himself. But it was no secret that Ibara Mayaka is cute. Adorable, even. She had a good dress sense, prefering to wear cute and chic, with a hint of lolita style. All done so tastefully. It was a bit like French chic. Coupled with her small figure, she had an almost childish face, with short but volumous (is that even a word?) curly brune hair. Sometimes, depending on what she's wearing, she doesn't look a day over 14. So figuratively, she's the baby (mascot) of the club.

She had a slightly thorny personality, which might've lead to her eviction from the manga club. When she emerged from her reserved shell, with her confidence back, she was like Saki 2.0. Sweet, but acidly sarcastic. But as ever, only the guys were on the firing lane. She became really close to Saki, Yumi and Ohno.

But obviously, otaku will be otaku, regardless. And hence, Ibara Mayaka was pigeonholed into the ever popular loli-tsundere trope. Rimu (adoringly) calls her 'Spike' which incited laughter among the girls.

"You have a spiky personality and your surname is 'thorn' in English." Blunt, matter-of-fact, dictionary to the noggins.

New president Sasahara Kanji wanted the group to make an (SFW) original doujinshi and Spike volunteered to do the artwork. But to make an original manga, an original storyline was required. And that's where Oreki Houtarou came in.

Houtarou was (in Mayaka's words) bumming around the Uni's Kotenbu. Whittling his time 'smoking and being emo'. So she quite literally dragged him to the Genshiken and registered his application, rubberstamped and all. No objections and Frizzy hardly put up a fight, aside from a defeated sigh and a snide remark. It all ended boisterously when Madarame fished out the latest SAO novel in Houtarou's slingbag.

And thus, the new academic year brought two new members to the Genshiken.

Chief Illustrator: Ibara Mayaka

(Reluctant) storyboard: Oreki Houtarou

Ten minutes into the Weekly Black Ops Battle Royale, it was obvious who was kicking ass. Oreki Houtarou knifed his way to a 14 kill streak and was already crafting a sweet 'Shotgun to Rimu's face' move for his next decisive kill.

Rimu, on the other hand, sucked balls, Dobe, No-Kill-Bill, whatever you call him. He's shit at COD. Though he unleashed his full repertoire of dirty word combinations.

"Fuck You and Eat Shit!" was a crowd favourite.

Later that night Yumi called him to tone down his expletives. She was, understandably, rather offended at Rimu's profane remarks. Maybe she could get him deported. He apologised whole-heartedly as he grinned, picturing Yumi's angry face. She wore a purple Vampire Weekend hoodie that day, with big cherry-shaped earrings. Miko haircut. He apologised again, cherry shaped earrings on her well-shaped earlobes lingering in his closed eyes.

Rimu and Yumi were in a precarious position regarding their current relationship. It was the on-and-off phase. They had two or three dates (he didn't count) and it was obvious they liked each other (This romantic tension is suffocating, quipped Saki) but they were comfortable with the current Genshiken dynamics so neither made huge strides for now.

And on that note, the chemistry between Mayaka and Houtarou was beginning to brew. It was what Saki termed 'the elephant in the room' much to the confusion of the two in question. Oh, Saki was never gonna miss a beat.

Rimu winked a knowing wink to the baffled Spike and Frizz.

2. Spike and Frizz

It was two in the morning, in a quiet bar the Genshiken frequented. Rimu sipped his third pina colada. He badly needed to sleep to compensate for a week straight of all nighters. His Basin Dynamics project was killing him. When he finally dunked the completed work in his lecturer's pigeon hole he was ready to purge himself in his bed, never to be woken ever again. But as always, the Genshiken had poor timing for celebratory get-togethers (read: get hammered and sleep in a blanket of piss and puke on the train station).

With his MP running dangerously low, he could not summon any wit and excuses to talk his way out of this particular outing. What made things worse was Yumi being extra pushy with this debacle. Uchimura Yumi loves a drink. (She had Saki and Ohno to thank for that).

"Oh fuck it", he said, resistance all but crumbled.

By 2.30, everyone was at least tipsy with two of the members raucously drunk (Yumi and Ohno). Madarame, Kousaka and Sasayan were playing otaku trivia drinking games. Mitsu (Kugayama) and Ichi (Tanaka) were sipping cold Asahi discussing about their internships and subsequent forays into the cold hard reality that is the adult world. Rimu sat with Saki, Houta and Maya. The freshies were six or seven pints in, obviously teetering on drunkenness. Saki had plans for the morning after and Rimu didn't want a hangover so they drank responsibly.

Saki was digging for dirt, craftily picking out subtle questions regarding Spike and Frizz.

She got Houtarou to cough up his past.

"So that's what you meant by 'being emo' Maya-chan", Saki grinned.

"Yeah, he was all broody and shit. Chi-chan wasn't ready for a relationship and she was the driven type you know. So please stop being emo", slurred Maya, inhibitions all but gone. They were talking about Chitanda Eru, a girl Frizz and her knew from high school.

Rimu managed a tired laugh as he nudged the person in question.

Houtarou (drunk) clarified, his hand gestures oddly exaggerated, "Look, I did not pursue Chitanda, okay. Sure I was attracted to her, but it wasn't a crush or anything like that. I just enjoyed hanging out with her. And you. And Satoshi".

"Liar! Fuku-chan told me you were entranced by her during the Ningyou matsuri. He told me your head was spinning when you looked at her. Hell, you were dazed when I talked to you after that"

"I was high, okay".

The conversation halted for a few moments. Eyes focused on Oreki Houtarou.

"What can of worms did I just open?" Saki awkwardly contributed.

"Look, my sis brought back some strong hashish from India, so we smoked a bit before I left. So I was high and it got all weird and crazy. Chitanda probably didn't notice though. So are we clear now? I didn't pursue her that way, okay. I just enjoyed hanging out with her and everyone. So stop calling me emo and shit".

If that was a lie, it was skilfully constructed. The responses were quiet, luke-warm and drunk. Frizz took a big gulp of his Heineken while Spike looked a bit guilty as she sipped on her Bacardi. Saki ordered another round of drinks. Rimu (rather pointlessly) gave him a pat on the shoulder.

Whilst waiting for the new rounds, Saki cleverly shifted the attention to Rimu, who looked horribly fatigued and was forced to blurt out dirty little secrets about his and Yumi's progress.

Tired and dejected, he didn't give a shit anymore, "We're not a couple but we enjoy making out in the cinema and changing rooms", something along those lines. Truth or not (obvious lie), Saki didn't press. Yumi was already out cold.

As the drinks arrived, the conversation reverted back to healthy topics such as coconuts and Rimu's bowel movements. Cue drunken laughters and grossed out squeals (Maya).

As the night quietened to more tolerable levels, Mayaka was close to passing out. She gingerly leaned her head on Houtarou's shoulder.

This gradual alcohol-induced closeness obviously did not escape the hawkeyes of Saki and Rimu's sleep-deprived panda bear eyes. And to their delight, Houtarou didn't complain (which, true to form, was a rarity).

"Ne Oreki", Mayaka began, "Sorry about all those things I said. About you being emo and all that. Forgive me okay?" She said that all in such a sweet voice that Rimu secretly felt jealous of his kouhai. Saki squealed into Rimu's ears.

"Hey, come on. I was never mad at you or anything. I just wanted to clarify things", smooth man, like butter.

Those two were oblivious to their surroundings which were a chaotic matrix of sweat, perfume, alcohol and bodies. They were in their own shell, not even aware of the onlooking Saki and Rimu. Eyes, glassy and lazy respectively, met for at least three full heartbeats before an untimely sneeze by Rimu popped their ethanol flavoured bubble of intimacy.

Saki rightfully bonked the islander on the forehead as Spike and Frizz awkwardly made random incoherent excuses, flustered. This lead to laughter amongst the whole (conscious) group. And even more obscene amounts of alcohol consumed.

It was just an hour before dawn when they finally stumbled out of the watering hole, crudely dragging bodies with them. The night ended on a pleasant note, with Mayaka finally facing the truth regarding her and Fukube Satoshi (another friend they were close to).

Fukube Satoshi, or Fuku-chan was the one guy for Mayaka. She openly had a crush on him since their middle school days. But on their final high school year, she was heartbroken as he left to pursue his studies in Paris. It came as a surprise, and it was a devastating blow to her and her self-esteem, When it turned out that he was gay. What hurt her the most was that Satoshi didn't personally tell her of his sexual preferences. It was Houtarou who gently broke the news to her. She was somewhat relieved to know that Satoshi wasn't gay for Houtarou. That would've crushed her even more.

Before entering Uni, Mayaka was (according to Houtarou) moping around, being emo and losing friends left and right. A real mess. With Chitanda also pursuing her studies abroad (Les Etats Unis) it was up to Houtarou to kick her out of her reverie, so to speak. They didn't do much, aside from occasional meals and movies (she was still estranged from her manga club members) but it eventually helped her get back to her feet. As a bonus, they became closer and better friends because of it. Now she could grasp a bit of the way he thinks like the way he solved extra-marital affairs on TV dramas or how he likes his cereal. She coined it 'structural disintegrity'.

Whether Houtarou realised it or not, Mayaka sincerely appreciated his attention and company. 'Maybe you should express it better', was what the others were thinking, knowingly.

Thankfully, the (conscious) Genshiken members were great listeners, hugely supportive of her. Saki and Ohno ended up giving her a group hug (Yumi passed out). And thus, Mayaka closed that particular chapter of her life. Sealed and let go. Burden off her shoulder. Closure. She moved on.

The group also came to know that Houtarou's supposed crush, Chitanda Eru, looked a lot like Uchimura Yumi, which as expected, irked Rimu a bit. Now he was even more determined to push Spike and Frizz together.

And he didn't have to wait long.

The group scattered to their respective homes. Rimu and Yumi (still passed out) went on the Higashioka line along with Saki and Kousaka. Madarame went on the Kiganozuka line whilst the others went to Odaibara Central. Houtarou and Mayaka boarded the Kiriganuma train together.

She was half asleep. Her head resting on Houtarou's bony left shoulder. Her breathing was peacefully slow. Her lotion scent mixed distastefully with the booze but Houtarou didn't care. They didn't utter a single word in that empty train. Perfectly content with each other's body heat and company. Mayaka secretly likes the smell of Houtarou's Indonesian cigarettes. While Mayaka's flowery lotion has occasionally impaired and clouded Houtarou's thought processes and judgements (since High School, he admitted to himself).

"Where's the train heading to?" he wondered aloud as his eyes studied the messy train schedule.

The train sped up, conversely producing ear-bleeding decibels of shearing steel tyres and train tracks. The type that would blow the fucking brains off of those suffering from hangovers. Houtarou didn't care.

"My place", came her quiet reply.


End file.
